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THE MIGHTY ENDGAME REWATCH CONTINUES: PART THREE

The Gal Pal has joined us, so tonight we are three (@goteamwin is the Roommate and @pegasuschick is the Gal Pal.) This time we ALL pregamed with booze and cookies.
Further note: It Has Been Years and I Still Miss The Old Marvel Logo

The Gal Pal: For a second I thought this was Lord of the Rings
THIS WAS A GAMBLE. I have to remind myself of this every time I watch this movie because this was a hhUUUUUGE gamble starring a recovering addict and directed by a nobody using technology that had been tested in Transformers, a franchise known for it’s kwality filmmaking (not u bumblebee i’m sure you’re g r e a t)
- (the roommate would like it noted that they probably stipulated in RDJ’s contract that he wouldn’t be fully paid until he finished the movie because he’d flaked out on previous filming commitments for. you know. getting arrested and going to jail.)
This is a solid opening. A Super Solid Opening, in fact. Quality flashback. Actually TFA, take note. This is how you do a flashback, TFA
WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY
comedy moment with the stark missile here.
Howard Stark Mark I. (of three. Never forget. that there are three howard starks)
Oh No it’s Wrong Rhodes. Rhong Wrodes? just Wrodes?
Obadiah Stane? Really?? who thought he was a good guy??? although I love how easily he does this “getting on the stand to accept an award for Tony” thing. like he’s done it a thousand times before. because of course he has.
GOD THEY’RE ALL SO YOUNG
no da Vinci his a fair comparison, actually, given that Da Vinci apparently designed loads and loads of Very Deadly Things.
At this juncture, the Gal Points out:
- Not to be super gay here, but I would observe that the later Iron Man movies get hotter lady extras. Just a note.
- she is not wrong.
You’re better than this journalist lady.
- actually wait is she only sleeping with tony for the purpose of snooping?
  - SHIT SHE TOTALLY IS.
on the one hand DAMN PEPPER I HOPE CHRISTINE GETS MEDICAL ATTENTION FOR THAT BURN but on the other hand BOO GIRL ON GIRL CRIME.
Tony your music is bad
- why isn’t it the iron man song
  - what band is it that does the iron man song
    - black sabbath, said the Gal Pal and The Roommate in unison.
tony i thought you weren’t a painter how do you even know who pollack is
The perpetual question with this movie: Was the script That Good or is RDJ Just That Good?
- Will We Ever Truly Know
WRONG RHODES HAS A POTATO FACE RIGHT RHODES HAS A GREMLIN FACE. YOU NEED CORRECT GREMLIN POTATO FACE PAIRING.
Things that Date This Movie:
- Tony’s suits (the fabric ones)
- The phones (ohhhhhhhhhh my god flip phones oh my gooooooooddddd)
- the fact that the hero is a new york billionaire with his name on the side of a building and people actually like him
Wait is Obie fucking someone? NO DON’T MAKE ME THINK THAT
I hate this part NOSE NO THANK U. GROSS. GROSS. NO I DON’T LIKE IT. NO. i came here for an ACTION MOVIE not a BODY HORROR MOVIE HELP PLS
Yinsen is v well dressed. like. Yinsen is SO dapper wtf Tony looks like a bum by comparison. And his chemistry with Tony is Un. Paralleled (except by pepper.) He fucking NAILS THIS ROLE. Ho Yinsen, International treasure
- sub note YINSEN’S FIRST NAME IS HO. YOU ARE ALL VERY WELCOME.
- sub sub note: The Roommate spent like fifteen minutes calling him Jensen. This Seems Racist. She points out that I am being racist for thinking that. She may be right.
the ten rings IT IS LOTR
“I don’t watch Iron Man that often, it’s always a surprise when I enjoy it” - The Roommate
I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WEREN’T A PAINTER TONY. THOSE ARE VERY GOOD DOODLES FOR SOMEONE WITH NO ARTISTIC INCLINATIONS.
I love/hate that it’s like: Oh no this bad guy speaks English NOW WE’RE IN TROUBLE.
- THAT. SEEMS. RACIST.
“Yes I would like a delivery date” says the roommate, someone very accustomed to working with clients that do not provide a coherent delivery date/schedule.
every time i see this scene i am reminded of that interview where Cevans is like: tthHHAT’S RDJ?? and then he licks his lips like the thirsty little bitch he may or may not be.
army recruitment - avengers - dick swinging contest - dumpster fire <– this is literally the note i made for myself, i don’t know exactly how we got onto this particular sidetrack but look here’s the story:
- the pentagon subsidized the early marvel movies, but then they stopped. that was a fun fact that I knew
- the gal pal looked it up and it is Very Real. She was explaining to us that they STOPPED subsidizing marvel movies after the avengers because SHIELD. ‘Does the army answer to SHIELD or does SHIELD answer to the army?’
- Me: SO ARE YOU TELLING ME. THAT THE ARMY. A REAL LIFE ORGANIZATION. STOPPED FUNDING MARVEL MOVIES. BECAUSE THEY GOT INTO A DICK MEASURING CONTEST WITH SHIELD AND MIGHT HAVE LOST????
- yes
- the answer to that question is yes
- the military industrial complex is a dumpster fire.
32 minute mark and Tony has more time with yinsen than anyone else
I cannot believe it took them them THIS LONG TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING WAS WRONG. No one thought to question that glowing thing in tony’s chest, just like: Nah that seems right. That’s part of the missile building process, right? They’re working. this seems fine
It’s still a horror movie but now Tony is the monster
- he was always the monster
YINSEN WE HARDLY KNEW YE
Tony Tedward Stark you’re literally the only person in the world who didn’t know Yinsen’s family was dead. “I’ll see them when I leave here?” THEY’RE DEAD TONY. THEY’VE ALWAYS BEEN DEAD.
- also: YINSEN IS AN INTERNATIONAL TREASURE
Tony, at the end of this fight scene, is A) deaf from all the bullets pinging off his suit. B) very badly burned, and C) has broken every bone in his body.
All Jameses in the MCU come with an innate Bullshit Detection Sensor. “Steve’s in trouble” “What’s that explosion? probably Tony.” JAMES POWERS ACTIVATE.
- 40 minutes in and this is the first time I buy Wrodes as a pal. Maybe
Tony Stark: BRING ME BURGERS. YINSEN TOLD ME NOT TO WASTE MY LIFE
oh hey phil is here!
Tony you have PTSD —- aaaand you also have a burger stashed in your sling? that’s the best thing. THAT’S THE BEST THING.
UGH GOD OBIE’S ON A SEGWAY GROSSSSS (as if we didn’t already know that he was evil just from his NAME)
The Gal Pal, re Tony vs his PTSD: of course he builds himself a suit of armor. we’re lucky he didn’t end up in a gimp suit.
- me, internally: bold of you to assume he doesn’t.
I refuse to even imagine this movie with Tom Cruise it would be so Wrong. (For those who don’t know, the studio really wanted Tom Cruise to play Tony, Jon Favreau really went to bat for RDJ against the studio, you know. on account of the whole. addiction getting arrested thing.)
TONY THIS IS A LABORATORY, WE WEAR OUR SHOES AND BUTTON OUR SHIRTS.
Mad money really dates this too. Add that to the list of things that date this.
Tony: Pepper you’ve got small hands, right? get down here.
- Now is the perfect time to remind you all that comics tony has canonically been pegged by Gamora.
  - You Are Welcome
A) pepper is great. B) Tony is definitely not really going into cardiac arrest. C) I’m remembering that they were my first Marvel OTP and I love them.
Re: Rhodey and the whole “Manned vs unmanned flight” and Tony coming in like “What about just the pilot with no plane” or whatever QUICK QUESTION ASKING FOR A FRIEND WHEN DOES THE FALCON PROGRAM HAPPEN
RDJ and his big sad brown cow eyes.
- The Roommate: I know I wasn’t into it at the time, because I was a youth and he’s like forty and I was like “No, he is Not For Me.”
- Me: PAST YOU WAS A MORON.
- The Roommate: Yeah i know that NOW.
Tony built his own keyboard that’s so extra
Yikes generic ten rings bad guy you should put a bandage on that
ROBOT ABUSE, but also, can we talk about how much I love DUM-E, U, and also this entire sequence?
- U is getting real fancy with the camera zooms
At this point we got into a discussion of whether the arc reactor gives Tony powers:
- Me: Please. He’s a glorified normie. He’s the Batman of the Marvel Universe.
- The Roommate: Yeah! He’s the Batman of marvel with out the…
- Me: The what exactly?
- The Roommate: The dead… no his parents are… the car– no he’s got lots of fancy– The pearls. He’s the Batman of Marvel without the pearls.
  - now we have to wait until Civil War to see if Maria Stark is wearing pearls when she dies.
PIZZA. Obie is like the stepdad with that pizza. “I’m taking the pizza back. Nah go on take a slice.” G R O S S
Paul Bettany! You’re better as a disembodied voice.
- The Roommate: I do not care for your purple robot form. I know Wanda does but–
- Me: Listen. We’ve all made mistakes and bought an unreasonably large purple dildo
- The Gal Pal: And we’ve all gotten attached to non-human characters.
- The Roommate: Like the fox from Robin Hood!
- The Gal Pal: Exactly. And hey, maybe he just keeps going, you know? like the energizer Bunny.
- Me, Upset: NONONONONONONO
- The Roommate: now hang on a minute that’s interesting.
Tony, i feel like you didn’t think though. But seriously, what is this scene? Why is there a Ferris wheel? Are those the director’s kids?
YOU’RE DOING GREAT, DUM-E.
Tony, quick question, did you cut holes in all your tee-shirts? Why? There’s no need for it? It’s Literally? Just for the dramatic effect? Tony?? WHy??? ARe YoU LIke THiS????
- they are literally titty windows
  - these shirts are probably very expensive
    - sToP
oooo the bad guy (side note, put on a bandaid my guy. get some neosporin or something) has the iron man 1.0 suit and waaaIT A SECOND ARE THERE BULLET HOLES IN THE CROTCH ARMOR??? DID THEY SHOOT TONY IN THE CROTCH?
First of all, Jarvis is a treasure, I’m sad they ever got rid of him, second of all I love that Tony can just show up unannounced at a Very Important Party and no one questions it, third of all:
- Poooterrrrrr
Oh hey Phil is here!!
Oh Pep. You are so on top of things, you basically run SI, you know your fear about the deoderant is just paranoia. You applied twice and you have an extra one in your purse and you’re wearing perfume. You smell like roses and victory.
O! T! P!
Christine, why do you have these photos where have you been keeping them why don’t you just pull them up on your phoneOHHHH RIGHT THIS IS THE PAST THERE ARE NO SMART PHONES YET FFGHSSJJSJSDKDKD I FEEL OLD.
Tony is standing on a higher step than Obie for this. The Smolest Avenger.
This is the first full iron Man moment but all I can think is:
- Toe socks Tony? really?
~Cool guys don’t look at explosions~
SOMEONE REALLY NEEDS TO TELL MARVEL THAT MORE VILLAINS =/= BETTER VILLAINS.
Rhodes sees the boom on the screen and is like but… Tony is here. in the US. I know he’s here. I’m 99% sure. 98%. (explosion #2) I’m 95% sure. (by explosion #5) I’m 42% sure that Tony is in the US.
Definitely the worse thing that Pepper saw was him cutting titty windows in his tee shirts
MARVEL! MORE VILLAINS ARE NOT BETTER VILLAINS!!
- beeteedubs We All Hate the way Obie says “data” and “manufacturing.” Dah-tuh. Man-uh-fact-ering. U G H.
YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND PEPPER I HAVE A NEW JOB NOW AND IT’S SAAAAVING THE PLANET
every movie ever: Is this hacking? Is this how hacking works?
Obie’s frankenstein vein and the way he slllluuuuurrrrps his whiskey. GROSS.
Oh Hey Phil Is Here!!!
What other applications?
- WAIT WHAT OTHER APPLICATIONS ARE THERE FOR SHORT TERM PARALYSIS?
  - NO DON’T TELL ME I DON’T WANT TO KNOW
Hhhhhhow does Obie already have a specially designed arc reactor extractor?
TONY WHY DON’T YOU GET ON THE SCOOTER INSTEAD OF SHOVING IT AWAY? WOULDN’T YOU GO FASTER?
- DUM-E IS A TREASURE
Re Pepper:
- The Roommate: Pepper’s superpower is calling the right authorities and making sure the right people get arrested.
- Me: so what I’m hearing is that Pepper’s superpower is being a responsible adult???
- This Seems Accurate.
“Anything else I can do?” says Terrence Howard. “yeah, you can turn into don cheedle” say we all.
Where’s the water in this creepy underground lair. Whyyyyyy are there water light effects? WHERE? IS? THE WATER???
OMG look at that cgi wowwwww he’s just coming up through the concrete and it is Definitely CGI.
dear obadiah stane: YOU DO NOT FIRE PEPPER POTS SHE IS ESSENTIAL. IF YOU FIRE PEPPER POTTS YOUR COMPANY COLLAPSES LITERALLY THE NEXT DAY.
Hey Obie. Did you put the Batman voice modulator in yourself orrrr…
Holy Cow Digital Hand is Very Digital.
HANG ON ISN’T THIS EXACTLY WHAT ANT MAN DOES TO TONY IN CIVIL WAR???
Blow the reactor, he says. JUST DO IT, he says.
- The Gal Pal: Shhhh you can hear Howard Stark rolling over in his grave
oh hey Zuul is coming
OH HEY PHIL IS HERE!!!!
The roommate: THAT’S NOT TRUE SMALL AIRCRAFT ARE VERY SAFE
WAIT WAS CAPTAIN MARVEL PHIL’S FIRST RODEO? *need to see Captain Marvel Intensifies*
“Girlfriend who worries about me” Tony says. It’s Rhodes. Right? I mean. He already has a girlfriend who worries about him. It’s Colonel Rhodes.
tony is so bad at lying
- which is cute and all but FORREALS do you remember seeing this movie for the first time? whether you like Iron Man or not, whether you like MARVEL or not, this is fucking cinematic history happening here. this is the first franchise of its kind, it opened the door for so many others and it is so weird to remember that.
BAH! BAH! BAH DA-DUH. BADABADABADADAH! BAH DAH DAH!!
- we have spent literally the entire movie waiting for this song to play
wow Jarvis u ok
THERE HE IS. Lookit him. with his eyepatch. he’s Seen Things. he’s Done Stuff. him and phil. geeze.
- Me: I really wish I had just seen Captain Marvel
- The Gal Pal: I feel like that every morning
i mean i don’t want to harp on this given that we’ve already moved on from the incorrect hulk but WHY WOULD TONY STARK BE RECRUITING ROSS?????

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mostly fanfiction, some meta

THE MIGHTY ENDGAME REWATCH PART THREE: IRON MAN

THE MIGHTY ENDGAME REWATCH PART THREE: IRON MAN

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February 2019

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