girlbookwrm

ON WITH THE MOVIE

• this movie has a surprisingly strong opening? like, despite the overall comic-book-ness of it i am On Board, and it gets the audience a good grasp of where the Hulk comes from without getting bogged down and I actually? like? that?
• *clicks scientist pen* let’s see if we can pinpoint the exact moment it goes Awry.

• The Roommate pointed out to me that there are other Hulks, in the comic, who are just Hulked out all the time, but more articulate while in Hulk shape. “what makes banner special” she proposes “is that he has anxiety” this feels right to me.
• Bruce, my buddy, maybe instead of a martial artist you should be seeing a therapist. good to see you have a therapy doggo but also? maybe?? see a psychiatrist???
• i really like edward norton but i want the real bruce banner
• “Be sure to use a high dose” seems like bad advice but i am not a medical doctor
• I love the AIM feel of this. And by AIM i mean AOL Instant Messenger. like they met in a chatroom for weird medical maladies. “You know what’s neat? weird medical maladies.” “As a doctor of weird medical maladies I totally agree!!!”
• POOTER
• how does ross get to where he is in civil war?
• this guy’s random capitalization kills me. "so is living with GAMMA poisoning." "i need more DATA." did they meet on tumblr??
• marvel has gotten so much better at not overselling their dramatic beatsWAIT DID THEY KILL THAT DOG?
• BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOG????
• twenty minutes of everyone just shouting “go” except for all the locals. I love all the locals in this generic latin american country just like “ugh americans running through the streets with guns must be Tuesday.”
• OF COURSE banner runs into the bullies from the factory while trying to evade the us government. it’s moments like this that i miss The Correct Hulk all the more.
• Re: the destruction of Banner's place of work.
  • The Roommate: nice of him to ensure that kindly factory owner got a new factory via insurance
  • Me: Bold of you to assume that factory owner had insurance.
  • The Roommate: wait does insurance in latin america cover acts of god/the us government?
• this is actually a Really Good Introduction to the hulk???
• all these guys are dead but you, tim roth, you got sprayed with soda, so you’re all sticky now and that’s definitely Worse.
• *clicks scientist pen* here it is, I believe. the turning point of the movie, the moment where it all begins to go to fuck. the fuckening, if you will.
• “get your men on the plane” ross says. "HOW?" i say “THEY ARE ALL DEAD. GET EM ON THE PLANE IN PINE BOXES? FUCKING YIKES.” This man is a three star general. also he is NO ERSKINE when it comes to playing Basil Exposition.
• How does Ross get to where he is in Civil War??
• tim roth seems very turned on by the Hulk. I am Un Com Fortable.
• holding up the pants to that lady -- THAT IS RUDE BRUCE
• Did brucie walk from guatemala to virginia?? is this movie trying to tell me that Bruce walked from GUATEMALA to VIRGINIA in SEVENTEEN DAYS? i just looked it up that particular journey would take THIRTY NINE DAYS. AT LEAST.
  • yes i know that’s childish nitpicking buT IT IS ALSO TRUE
• Betty Ross. Betsy Ross? Elizabeth?? Doctor. Her first name is Doctor now. Dr. Ross. My roommate, to Dr. Ross, re: her strange whisperhissing through this entire movie: “gurrrrrl i know you can phonate better than that.”
• I think the Incorrect Hulk is trying really hard here, like he’s acting the shit out of this, and so is Doctor Ross but never in my life have i seen such a stunning lack of onscreen chemistry holy wow
  • in sum i miss the Correct Hulk
• no iodine or anesthesia for tim roth? i do not believe that man is a medical doctor.
• I’m Very Upset By This Entire Eating The Flashdrive Scene But I Feel Like Mark Ruffalo Would’ve Crushed It.
• so lemme introduce you to my binary system of manfaces, which i developed from reading too many of silentwalrus1​'s tags. Manfaces come in two types: Potato and Gremlin. These are not negative categorizations, they just are what they are. Sebstan has a potato face. Cevans has a gremlin face. Thor? Potato. Loki? Gremlin. Potatoes are soft and square and lumpy, gremlins are pointed and angular and look kind of uncomfortable. Bandersnatch Cappagepatch is the final evolution of the gremlin formed manface. Martin Freeman is his Potato Counterpart.
  • Edward Norton has a gremlin face
  • The Hulk has a potato face
  • and as a result, Edward Norton is not, cannot, and SHOULD NOT BE The Hulk.
• I wrote that dissertation during the “big” fight scene at the midpoint of the movie. The Roommate started reading the news at that same point
  • that is a Bad Sign.
• “he’s actually doing it” ross says, re tim roth fighting The Incorrect Hulk. A) what are you basing that assertion on, B) why was that line necessary and C) holy cow these effects have Not Aged Well.
• wHeRe’S tHe GuNsHiP?????????
• How Did Ross Get To Where He Is In Civil War???
• “THIS IS IRRESPONSIBLE PARENTING” says the hulk, a social worker from CPS, to thaddeus thunderbolt ross. “I KNOW YOU LOVE HER, BUT THE BEST THING FOR HER IS TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE RIGHT NOW.”
• look, remember what i said about bruce needing a psychiatrist? there was a real chance to make Dr. Ross’s forgettable and completely unnecessary boyfriend into the psychological Dan Lewis of the Avengersworld MCU, A FULL DECADE BEFORE THE RELEASE OF VENOM, and they FUCKING BLEW IT
• how did hulk end up the small spoon BUT OBVIOUSLY BEING THE SMALL SPOON IS EXACTLY WHAT THE HULK NEEDS nvm
• honestly, bruce shivery and shaken and having a flashback in the shower is the only good thing in the second part of this movie, but DAMN EDWARD NORTON EAT A SANDWICH BUDDY U OK????
• how did bruce know the flashdrive thing would work? was he a drug mule? WAIT IS THAT HOW HE GOT FROM GUATEMALA TO VIRGINIA IN SEVENTEEN DAYS?
• “OMG THAT WAS SUCH TERRIBLE EDITING” - The Roommate, who works in video production and is, in fact, an editor
• “I AM CACKLING THAT EDITING IS AWFUL” - me, a person with eyes.
• “not even a little excited?” MADAM YOU DO NOT WANT THAT. I DO NOT WANT THAT. NO ONE WANTS THAT. I AM F U R I O U S WITH THIS MOVIE FOR MAKING ME EVEN CONTEMPLATE THAT, honestly fuck u this movie.
• hey you know what would be really useful right now? A PSYCHOLOGIST.
• tim roth’s druggie face is p good but his spray painted abs are T E R R I B L E and they are giving me FULL ON TWILIGHT FLASHBACKS PLS STOP
• what the HELL movie was the entire taxi sequence from?
• Sterns, pls stop. Tim Roth, Pls Stop. ROSS PLS STOP. NONE OF YOU ARE COMPELLING VILLAINS UR ALL JUST REALLY ANNOYING. ugh “like a monster” i hate that line.
• At this point we took a break to watch the B99 trailer. “omg that was the most wonderful thing i’ve seen all day” the roommate said. “including every second of this movie.”
• “Now what possibly could I have done to deserve such aggression?” Sterns says. “It’s not what you’ve done. It’s what you’re gonna do.” tim roth says. THE LATTER IN NO WAY FOLLOWS THE FORMER. THIS IS BAD WRITING OF THE FIRST ORDER.
  • THIS IS A B A D. S C R I P T.
• HOW DID ROSS GET TO WHERE HE IS IN CIVIL WAR?????
• “Betty I’ve gotta try” U G H
• also it takes like two seconds from “gimme the stuff” to tim roth becoming the abomination like the chopper isn’t even out of the city this is peak “WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY.”
• I love how Hulk makes his own Hulk Bop Hands out of a police car.
• IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE ROOMMATE AND I WERE SO BORED OF THIS MOVIE THAT WE FORGOT TO MAKE POPCORN. LIKE THIS IS SUCH AN UN-MOVIE-LIKE MOVIE THAT WE FORGOT WE WANTED POPCORN. THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE WE FUCKING OWN A HULK HAND POPCORN BOWL.
  • WE DID NOT USE IT
    • jesus.
• The roommate: “I’ve gotten bored with this movie and I’m ashamed. No I’m not.”
• elbow stab? really?
  • The Roommate: How does the Hulk win this fight?
  • Me, Very Bored: The power of love probably.
  • The Roommate: Well when you say it like that it sounds stupid.
  • Me, Disgusted: because it IS stupid.
• BUT NOT AS STUPID AS HULK CLAPPING OUT THE FIRE jfc
• Abomination has no penis, and this is Upsetting. On the one hand: a great psa about the side effects of steroids. on the other hand, it makes me very grateful for hulk’s magic pants.
• The Hulk: gotta jet babe call you never
• Hulk do you really have to destroy All of Harlem on your way out? Does New York deserve any of this??
• The entire end sequence of this movie:
  • why is dr ross standing there why is she looking at the camera why does she have that face she looks like she just realized something what does it MEAN and WHY IS BRUCE HERE WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT NECKLACE BRUCE DON’T TURN INTO THE HULK INSIDE BRUCE WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE
• AND FINALLY: I know that they put RDJ in this movie to remind you of that much better MCU movie that came out earlier but honestly this scene makes No Fucking Sense
  • why would shield send TONY STARK to recruit thaddeus ross
  • why would shield send tony stark to recruit THADDEUS ROSS
  • Tony Stark was deemed unfit for the avengers initiative and as for ross *waves frantically at the entire movie we just watched* W H Y DO YOU WANT HIM?????
  • that end scene would be so much better if it was pre-growing-a-conscience tony schmoozing up to thaddeus thunderbolt ross for Stark Industries Reasons.

This movie honestly gets worse every time i watch it. I remember seeing it in theaters. I remember liking it. I remember being excited to watch it again. I remember that. I remember finally getting it in the mail from netflix and rewatching it for the first time as a runup to Civil War and thinking it wasn’t quite as good as i remembered but that it wasn’t as bad as ppl said. The roommate and I agreed on that when we were getting ready to watch it it last year as a runup to IW. I think that was honestly the first time we were like: OH. THIS IS NOT GOOD. THIS IS NOT A GOOD MOVIE.

and somehow it has gotten worse?????? W O W ????????????

But most importantly

• HOW DOES ROSS GET TO WHERE HE IS IN CIVIL WAR????????